Billi Silverstein
Psychotherapy

In a culture that celebrates speed and performance, focus has become one of the mind’s most challenged capacities. The harder one works to control attention, the more it tends to fragment. Thoughts scatter, decisions blur and even moments of rest can feel mentally crowded. Genuine focus does not emerge through force but through understanding how the mind organises and disperses its attention.

There is a long-standing joke about Californians discussing their therapists as casually as the weather, everyone seems to have one and it is almost a badge of self-awareness. The American idea of having an analyst is woven into the culture of personal development and emotional literacy. While it is often seen with humour, there is a deeper truth behind it. Therapy is not only for those in crisis but for anyone who wants to understand themselves more deeply and live with grea

The optimum performance zone is often imagined as a mystical state, as though the mind suddenly glows with enlightenment and everything falls into place. In reality it is a little less dramatic, though no less remarkable. Psychologically, this zone is the meeting point of clarity, emotional steadiness and focused attention. It is where the mind stops running in circles and finally agrees to cooperate with itself.

Avoidance is one of the most instinctive human responses to fear. When something feels overwhelming, whether a memory, a situation or even a thought, turning away can bring a temporary sense of safety. In the moment it may feel protective but over time this very act of avoidance nourishes the fear it is meant to contain. I call this the Voldemort Effect. In the Harry Potter stories, the refusal to speak Lord Voldemort’s name transforms it into something unspeakable.

Fear is one of the most fundamental human emotions. It serves a vital evolutionary purpose, alerting us to danger and helping to ensure our survival. Yet when fear becomes persistent or disproportionate, it ceases to be protective and instead becomes limiting. Fear often lies at the root of anxiety, panic, intrusive thoughts and even compulsive or addictive behaviours. A question I am frequently asked is what is the antidote to fear.

Those who don’t watch Love Island may find themselves wondering, “Where are my people?” It’s not simply about television taste; it’s often about belonging. In psychodynamic terms, these moments tap into deeper relational patterns. Feeling like an outsider can reawaken early experiences of exclusion, perhaps from the family system, school friendships, or social groups where one felt misattuned.

The “disease of more” is not just a cultural issue or a personality flaw. It is a deeper psychological and existential condition, a sign that we have become disconnected from ourselves and from what gives life meaning. At its heart lies a constant urge to seek fulfilment through accumulation: more success, more possessions, more experiences, more recognition. But behind this craving is often a discomfort with simply being ourselves.

Psychotherapists are taught not to hand out tissues when someone is crying. I always find myself cringing when a therapist is shown...

Clinical supervision plays a vital role in the development and sustainability of effective practice. At its core, clinical supervision is designed to create a safe, supportive environment where practitioners can critically reflect on their work. This reflective space allows individuals to not only enhance their clinical skills and knowledge but also to maintain their emotional and psychological well-being amidst the demands of their roles.

“No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand...

The distinction between being fascinated and seeking to fascinate others has significant psychological implications.

From a young age, women are socialised to be self-sufficient, nurturing and impeccably organised, setting the stage for unrealistic demands.

Being able to laugh at the same things with your partner creates shared moments of joy and connection.

In the context of therapy refer to the conscious choices and behaviours that align with a person’s core beliefs, principles and goals, guide

Researchers found that about 21% of men and 13% of women reported infidelity at some point in their lifetime. An affair triggers a rush...

Try: put an elastic band round your wrist and ping it to cause a sting as an alternative method. Use ice cubes – hold them in your hands...

- [ ] Challenge negative self-talk - [ ] Regularly test your beliefs? - [ ] Create a positive and healthy self-view - [ ] Establish...

Juggle a career at the highest level, be the best chief, have the best possible home, the cleanest environment, be the fittest, slimmest,...

We like to hold ourselves up to certain standards, but our actions do not always match up…. At times, we may gossip yet have a belief...

We are meant to evolve out of attention seeking behaviours. For some this happens at the toddler stage. If however, their needs are not...